Darth Vader: Sith lord, murderous imperialist, deadbeat dad ... sordid old man?
The latest entrance into the "Star Wars" canon features a new, female character whose charms are not lost on Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi general on the brink of decorous the baddest bad guy the extragalactic nebula has always known.
Ahsoka Tano - world Health Organization easily out-toughs even Princess Leia in her prime - is smart, wise and skilled with a light sabre. And despite that she's merely a teen 'toon, Ahsoka kicks up more chemistry in a few scenes with the animated Vader-in-waiting than the real life Natalie Portman could muster over three whole films.
To be fair, there's zilch overt around "The Clone Wars" to indicate a relationship betwixt Ahsoka and Anakin. But whether the filmmakers intended it or not, their mutual magnetism is a presence we haven't felt since ... well, at least going back to the push-pull of Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher.
But if you idea a moon curser hooking up with a princess was inappropriate, so there's a reason to have a bad notion about this:
For starters, when Anakin meets Ahsoka, she's barely a teenager, piece he's in his other 20s. What's more, he's supposed to be her teacher. And finally, he's already secretly married to Portman's fictional character, the blue-blooded and wooden Queen Amidala.
Ahsoka first arrives in "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" in the midst of battle, announcing as she sashays down the ramp of her arriving space transport that she's to begin immediately training as Anakin's padawan. He protests at kickoff, but orders - particularly ones from Yoda - are orders.
Their clashing self-willed personalities bring forth immediate sparks. He's indisposed to the burden of an prentice; she's bore to try not but that she's worthy, simply of immediate use against the unfriendly army that's bearing down.
From there, she exhibits sufficiency battle hook and witty repartee to win over her brooding mentor - he warms quickly to the thought of having a young assistant (wHO Mark Rahner of the Seattle Times describes as "a flyspeck girl with huge eyes and a tube-top world Health Organization looks like a slutty Disney character." Fair enough).
It's not tenacious before they give each other cute, jab-in-the-ribs nicknames - he's "Sky Guy," she's "Snips" (apparently for her snippy demeanor). They spend most of the film toting around a rescued babe, making veiled parenting jokes along the way. Their petty competitions devolve into mutual concern, rescue and more post-traumatic bonding.
Not since David and Maddie delicately danced the love-hate line on "Moonlighting" have two people - or in this shell, a person and a pint-sized mechanical man alien known as a Togruta - stirred up so very much tension by outwardly avoiding it.
Even Yoda hints early on that Anakin, wHO already has issues with attachment, could have difficulty letting go of his apprentice when the time comes.
And by the way, where does this leave Amidala?
The antiseptic queen finally arrives later in the movie, long after you've wondered what she was up to while Anakin was chasing across the stars with an extraterrestrial being Lolita. And sure sufficiency, the animated Amidala hews to Portman's dead-eyed insurance policy wonk, drone on around treaty negotiations and interplanetary trade routes while Anakin and Asokah treat bad guys to a light saber's bite and craft barbs.
A fibre like Asokah, voiced by Ashley Eckstein (wife of major leaguer David Eckstein, who's too diminutive, plaguey, handy with a stick and frustratingly difficult to root against) would've disposed some much-needed emotional juice to the romantically DOA "Star Wars" prequels.
Instead, she's relegated to the critically bashed alive appetizer before the Cartoon Network demo coming this fall. And since "The Clone Wars" is impacted between episodes two and three, her disappearance before "Revenge of the Sith" will accept to be reconciled.
Maybe she and Anakin keep it clean, she learns all she bathroom from him and returns to her home planet of Shili to become the Togrutan equivalent of "Hanna Montana." But unmatchable can't help but curiosity if a second prohibited love adds some speed to the dark descent of Anakin Skywalker.
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